This weekend the Birth Center (http://www.sactobirth.com/), Sacramento county's ONLY freestanding midwife owned and operated birth center celebrated its Birth Day! They recently moved to a new location on Laurel Hills Drive and with the move they were able to open The Nursing Nook: http://www.thenursingnook.com/ CONGRATULATIONS!!!!
For women who are sexual abuse survivors pregnancy, labor, delivery, and the postpartum period can be a vulnerable and EMPOWERING time. Choose your attendant carefully. This means if your OB or midwife doesn't feel right interview more, hire a doula, and get training in relaxation techniques. Sorry to say the brief minutes spent on relaxation breathing during a hospital's general l&d class are woefully inadequate to prepare any woman for birth and should be considered an introduction and not a full preparation education. Looking into Hypnosis, Bradley, or Lamaze classes in order to have the best experience possible.
For sexual abuse survivors being pregnant can open up fears about your body, trust, sexuality, and vulnerability that are reminiscent of being abused. Talk about your feelings with a trusted therapist, your midwife or doctor, or clergy person. Use the time that your body is growing and changing to learn to trust yourself again and restore faith in your body's awesome abilities. Do not tolerate further intrusions in the form of medical interventions if they are unnecessary and don't feel right. If your midwife or doctor treats you like a child or an unequal participant you have the right to find a care provider that is more competently able to provide services. You deserve a care provider who is as compassionate as they are competent.
One of the most fabulous, normalizing books I found about childbirth and pregnancy was this one:
"The Complete Book of Pregnancy and Childbirth" by Sheila Kitzinger
Good luck and happy deliveries...
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
How much do you want it?
I started to write this geared towards other mental health professionals and marketing but then I realized...this topic is applicable to EVERYONE. Read on for more info.
When I was little my mom had a friend named Thelma. She was so funny and great with kids. Sometimes when I would ask her for something (a drink, a snack, etc.) she would say "How much do you want it?" or "What's it worth to you?" I was reminded of this recently on an online forum for therapists where the topic was marketing. Some therapists were remarking they had been in practice for months with few or no clients. When asked their list of marketing activities seemed spotty at best. No websites, few regular networking or marketing activities. I wanted to ask them, "How much do you want a full private practice?"
When I went into practice I wanted to go full-time. I was told by MANY people, "Nobody can do that, you should have another part-time job, it takes YEARS to build up a client base." Within 6 months I was almost full. Within a year I was so busy I had to turn clients away. But I wanted to be a private practice therapist really bad. So in sheer desperation I did the right thing and worked REALLY HARD.
I wanted to work 40 hours per week so when I wasn't seeing clients or doing paperwork I was marketing and networking for the full 40 hours per week. No marketing job was too big or small. My website, advertisements, search engine optimization all got put up almost immediately and then re-worked based on what worked or didn't work. I contacted everyone in my palm pilot and email book and let them know I was accepting clients. A few weeks later I contacted them again. I met professionals that I found online that I thought would have businesses that complimented my practice and met them for lunch or coffee. I sent thank yous for referrals. I made up spreadsheets to track the success or failure of marketing efforts (postcards, articles written, Internet listings all got noted). I brainstormed new marketing projects and started at the top and worked my way through them one by one. A few months later I noticed my 40 hours was filled with clients and not marketing activities. I was on my way.
So what does this have to do with the average person? Do you have a goal that you find yourself dreaming about? Weight loss, running a marathon, fixing up your home, being a better parent or improving your marriage? Let me ask you how much do you want to achieve that goal and how much time are you willing to put into it? What are you willing to do to change your life for the better? The marathon runner doesn't get up one morning and just go run a race. They spend time every day running. If you want to improve your marriage, reduce anxiety, lose weight, whatever it takes effort on a daily basis.
I know this is a gross oversimplification but sometimes it's not a bad idea to just start changing your life by making a daily effort and see how far you can go.
When I was little my mom had a friend named Thelma. She was so funny and great with kids. Sometimes when I would ask her for something (a drink, a snack, etc.) she would say "How much do you want it?" or "What's it worth to you?" I was reminded of this recently on an online forum for therapists where the topic was marketing. Some therapists were remarking they had been in practice for months with few or no clients. When asked their list of marketing activities seemed spotty at best. No websites, few regular networking or marketing activities. I wanted to ask them, "How much do you want a full private practice?"
When I went into practice I wanted to go full-time. I was told by MANY people, "Nobody can do that, you should have another part-time job, it takes YEARS to build up a client base." Within 6 months I was almost full. Within a year I was so busy I had to turn clients away. But I wanted to be a private practice therapist really bad. So in sheer desperation I did the right thing and worked REALLY HARD.
I wanted to work 40 hours per week so when I wasn't seeing clients or doing paperwork I was marketing and networking for the full 40 hours per week. No marketing job was too big or small. My website, advertisements, search engine optimization all got put up almost immediately and then re-worked based on what worked or didn't work. I contacted everyone in my palm pilot and email book and let them know I was accepting clients. A few weeks later I contacted them again. I met professionals that I found online that I thought would have businesses that complimented my practice and met them for lunch or coffee. I sent thank yous for referrals. I made up spreadsheets to track the success or failure of marketing efforts (postcards, articles written, Internet listings all got noted). I brainstormed new marketing projects and started at the top and worked my way through them one by one. A few months later I noticed my 40 hours was filled with clients and not marketing activities. I was on my way.
So what does this have to do with the average person? Do you have a goal that you find yourself dreaming about? Weight loss, running a marathon, fixing up your home, being a better parent or improving your marriage? Let me ask you how much do you want to achieve that goal and how much time are you willing to put into it? What are you willing to do to change your life for the better? The marathon runner doesn't get up one morning and just go run a race. They spend time every day running. If you want to improve your marriage, reduce anxiety, lose weight, whatever it takes effort on a daily basis.
I know this is a gross oversimplification but sometimes it's not a bad idea to just start changing your life by making a daily effort and see how far you can go.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Being a mother
Well, I am slowly resuming seeing clients after having my baby. Being a mom has been a wonderful (at times overwhelming) journey. One of the things it has really opened my eyes to is what a time of growth being pregnant is for both moms and dads. Childbirth can be an incredibly empowering experience. It can also be scary and traumatic due to the birth itself or because the process or pregnacy and delivery brings up unresolved issues related to trauma or sexual abuse.
It is not unusual for issues that you thought you had resolved to pop back up during new phases of life. For example-a woman who was sexually abused as a young child that goes to therapy as a young person may find she needs to return briefly to therapy when she begins dating, gets married, gets pregnant, or becomes a mom. It is almost as if you resolve the issue for who you are at that time but if a major shift in your personality happens you have to make sense of the issue all over again. Pregnancy, miscarriage, stillbirth, and labor & delivery are no different. The good news is that if you have dealt with these issues before you already have tools and experience with coping with them. And if this is the first time you are looking to come to counseling BECAUSE being pregnant or having a baby brought up feelings of trauma I can't think of a better way to care for yourself and your baby.
What might birth trauma look like? Typically re-experiencing memories (ie-"flashbacks"or nightmares) or trying very hard to avoid anything that might remind you of the trauma can be signs of trauma. The birth trauma association from England has a great website:
http://www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/what_is_trauma.htm
Understanding how a history of sexual abuse can affect pregnancy and labor and delivery is a bit trickier. There is a great book called "When Survivors Give Birth" by Penny Simkin and Phyllis Klaus. Pregnancy brings up feelings of being out of control, that your body is not your own, fears of authority figures, and of course physical feelings of vulnerability. These feelings can echo sexual abuse. Having a sensitive midwife or obstetrician that knows about your history of sexual abuse is important. Having a doula can also be a huge help. Therapy is also very helpful for both birth trauma and for sexual abuse survivors feeling apprehensive or having a strong reaction to a pregnancy.
I am currently getting additional training from Phyllis Klaus about how to use EMDR and psychotherapy to specifically address these issues. This training is in addition to my years of training and experience working with sexual abuse, trauma, PTSD, EMDR training and attachment psychology training. If you are interested in finding out how therapy might help please contact me for more information.
It is not unusual for issues that you thought you had resolved to pop back up during new phases of life. For example-a woman who was sexually abused as a young child that goes to therapy as a young person may find she needs to return briefly to therapy when she begins dating, gets married, gets pregnant, or becomes a mom. It is almost as if you resolve the issue for who you are at that time but if a major shift in your personality happens you have to make sense of the issue all over again. Pregnancy, miscarriage, stillbirth, and labor & delivery are no different. The good news is that if you have dealt with these issues before you already have tools and experience with coping with them. And if this is the first time you are looking to come to counseling BECAUSE being pregnant or having a baby brought up feelings of trauma I can't think of a better way to care for yourself and your baby.
What might birth trauma look like? Typically re-experiencing memories (ie-"flashbacks"or nightmares) or trying very hard to avoid anything that might remind you of the trauma can be signs of trauma. The birth trauma association from England has a great website:
http://www.birthtraumaassociation.org.uk/what_is_trauma.htm
Understanding how a history of sexual abuse can affect pregnancy and labor and delivery is a bit trickier. There is a great book called "When Survivors Give Birth" by Penny Simkin and Phyllis Klaus. Pregnancy brings up feelings of being out of control, that your body is not your own, fears of authority figures, and of course physical feelings of vulnerability. These feelings can echo sexual abuse. Having a sensitive midwife or obstetrician that knows about your history of sexual abuse is important. Having a doula can also be a huge help. Therapy is also very helpful for both birth trauma and for sexual abuse survivors feeling apprehensive or having a strong reaction to a pregnancy.
I am currently getting additional training from Phyllis Klaus about how to use EMDR and psychotherapy to specifically address these issues. This training is in addition to my years of training and experience working with sexual abuse, trauma, PTSD, EMDR training and attachment psychology training. If you are interested in finding out how therapy might help please contact me for more information.
Friday, March 20, 2009
Quote
We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.
-Anais Nin
-Anais Nin
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Financial crisis and psychotherapy
In recent publications such as The Sacramento Bee and The Wall Street Journal, along with news programs, the financial crisis has been paired with personal distress. It's no secret that if you are worried about money your emotional well-being can suffer, relationships can begin to fray, and other problems (health, school, work) can begin to spiral under the pressure. Several of these stories have noted that the ironic thing is that while a lot of people NEED therapy right now that it is difficult to AFFORD it.
In response to this, I encourage people to take advantage of programs such as their employer sponsored Health Savings Account (HSA) that would allow them to set aside pre-tax dollars to use for medical expenses which usually include counseling. I also offer a few sliding scale appointment slots, one pro-bono slot, along with a student discount, and I do accept credit cards.
Emotional distress can cause and exacerbate health problems, cause missed work, and also force people back into unhealthy coping skills such as eating and shopping that can cost a lot of money and cause even more distress. Therapy is indeed an investment but usually one in yourself that pays huge dividends. If all else fails I am happy to provide referrals to wonderful organizations that provide low-cost therapy. Right now nobody should be going without needed support during such difficult times.
In response to this, I encourage people to take advantage of programs such as their employer sponsored Health Savings Account (HSA) that would allow them to set aside pre-tax dollars to use for medical expenses which usually include counseling. I also offer a few sliding scale appointment slots, one pro-bono slot, along with a student discount, and I do accept credit cards.
Emotional distress can cause and exacerbate health problems, cause missed work, and also force people back into unhealthy coping skills such as eating and shopping that can cost a lot of money and cause even more distress. Therapy is indeed an investment but usually one in yourself that pays huge dividends. If all else fails I am happy to provide referrals to wonderful organizations that provide low-cost therapy. Right now nobody should be going without needed support during such difficult times.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
New Walk and Talk Therapy Available
I recently read this article on WebMD:
http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/walk-and-talk-therapy
In nutshell, it is about the benefits of walking during talk therapy. Benefits include all of the obvious benefits of exercise, plus a reduced sense of pressure that the typical face-to-face stance of a typical therapy session can bring up. Sometimes physical movement can help clients move forward on stuck issues, and bilateral stimulation (ie-walking) can also be calming.
Of course, there are issues to address. What if we run into somebody that you or I know? What if you become emotional during a walking session, or you don't feel safe expressing emotions during a session because we are walking? These are all issues to address and plan out beforehand.
If you are my current client you KNOW that I highly recommend exercise barring physical issues that might keep you from exercising. I believe exercise is helpful for depression, anxiety, even trauma issues. Walking during a session can possibly help challenge stuck dynamics.
If you are a current client and would like to try this, let me know! If you are a new client who is interested, also feel free to bring this up during our intake session. We can discuss the pros and cons and in all likelihood try a walking session. Plan on bringing your walking shoes and sunscreen!
http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/walk-and-talk-therapy
In nutshell, it is about the benefits of walking during talk therapy. Benefits include all of the obvious benefits of exercise, plus a reduced sense of pressure that the typical face-to-face stance of a typical therapy session can bring up. Sometimes physical movement can help clients move forward on stuck issues, and bilateral stimulation (ie-walking) can also be calming.
Of course, there are issues to address. What if we run into somebody that you or I know? What if you become emotional during a walking session, or you don't feel safe expressing emotions during a session because we are walking? These are all issues to address and plan out beforehand.
If you are my current client you KNOW that I highly recommend exercise barring physical issues that might keep you from exercising. I believe exercise is helpful for depression, anxiety, even trauma issues. Walking during a session can possibly help challenge stuck dynamics.
If you are a current client and would like to try this, let me know! If you are a new client who is interested, also feel free to bring this up during our intake session. We can discuss the pros and cons and in all likelihood try a walking session. Plan on bringing your walking shoes and sunscreen!
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
PREPARE for a marriage...Premarital counseling
I am pleased to be offering couples services using the PREPARE/ENRICH set of inventories. In addition to my training and experience as a marriage & family therapist, I have received additional training to use the PREPARE/ENRICH program. PREPARE/ENRICH is a research based curriculum and set of inventories that is used for couples as a premarital counseling guide, and also for married couples to improve and enhance their relationship.
PREPARE/ENRICH starts out with the couple taking an inventory that covers issues such as personality traits, family of origin map, communication style, and beliefs and expectations about significant issues for couples such as finances and children. I use the results of these inventories to help couples learn to communicate more effectively, resolve conflict proactively, and focus on goals as a couple. There are usually 4-6 structured sessions where together we focus on preparing a couple for marriage.
Many couples spend more time planning the wedding or commitment ceremony itself than they do preparing for their future as a married couple. Marriage is hard work…it takes a lot of effort and skills that just aren’t typically taught in a classroom. I encourage all couples that are considering making a lifetime commitment to consider a program of preparation such as PREPARE/ENRICH in order to maximize the potential of their relationship.
See also www.prepare-enrich.com
PREPARE/ENRICH starts out with the couple taking an inventory that covers issues such as personality traits, family of origin map, communication style, and beliefs and expectations about significant issues for couples such as finances and children. I use the results of these inventories to help couples learn to communicate more effectively, resolve conflict proactively, and focus on goals as a couple. There are usually 4-6 structured sessions where together we focus on preparing a couple for marriage.
Many couples spend more time planning the wedding or commitment ceremony itself than they do preparing for their future as a married couple. Marriage is hard work…it takes a lot of effort and skills that just aren’t typically taught in a classroom. I encourage all couples that are considering making a lifetime commitment to consider a program of preparation such as PREPARE/ENRICH in order to maximize the potential of their relationship.
See also www.prepare-enrich.com
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